Thursday, December 3, 2009


I woke up this morning feeling very grateful.

Usually gratitude is that bump of recognition from God. The tap on the shoulder. When I become aware of that impulse, I start rummaging around in the answered prayer bin. Why do some prayers get answered and others do not - or do we ever know? It is beyond our ability to really know, but we can ponder.

Throughout my life I have asked God to smooth over my sharp edges - whether caused by me or not. I just want them gone, to put as much distance between me and my problems as possible. "Hello God. Fix it please. Thank you and goodbye." But that may not be the way of God. He wants me to engage the problem, to work through it, to get to the other side, to constrict the distance. He answers my "Hello - Goodbye" with, "Get closer, I'll guide you. I won't tell you how, you can use words, feelings, or actions. Open yourself up to My Love". I say, "Goodbye", He says, "Hello."

I don't think God goes out of His way to create problems in life - I've proved quite adept at doing that myself, but the implse to pray, to engage, comes from Him. His gift may be that monentary recognition of the sharp edge; the fact of it's exsistence and the corresponding damage caused. Sometimes my first inclination is to try to smooth it out myself. My ego travels from denial to ego prior to prayer. At this point, I completely involve myself in turning the radio dial, not realizing the perfect melody is whispering in my ear the whole time. "Come to me".

So now I find myself a little lost. My gratitude encompasses medical healing involving many people and many people's prayers. How do I approach this without conceit. I don't want to border my gratitude with the medical procedure only. I hope not, but I guess the artifical ankle can fail or cause new medical conditions for me in the future. His gift involves more than that. His gift involves the opportunity to be close, the connection, being within Him.

It's nice that the artificial ankle connects my tibia to my foot. It's better the artificial ankle connects me to God.

I've got to work more on that.

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