Monday, July 4, 2011


I guess I was wrong on the February 1st posting, Travels 2010: Stand-bye, when I predicted the Parkens' new addition would be a girl. She turned out to be a he. I guess God had other plans. I am sure that the infant Parken, born last March 16th, at almost 8 pounds, will be extraordinary in all aspects - no doubt at all. By age 5, he will be able to dead lift three times his weight. By age 10, during commercial breaks of Scooby-Doo Where are You?, he will be plotting conventions of multi-variable calculus and vector analysis. As a teenager he will clean up his own room and help with the dishes without being told...every night! After his undergraduate scholarship to Harvard, he will matriculate to Yale Law School and in his spare time pick up an MBA at the Wharton Business School at UP. Growing into adulthood he will look like George Clooney, have the luck of Barak Obama and the current pitching rotation of the NY Yankees, the empathy of Mother Teresa, and the sagacity of King Solomon.

After college he will excel in his chosen field. Perhaps through stunning managerial tenacity and innovative use of self-invented technology, he will reduce the list price of a Rolls Royce Phantom V12 from the current $450,000 to $18,500 hereby giving men smiles everywhere; or even more challenging, develop a schake mushroom that looks and tastes good.

He will be number one on the power rotation of the prettiest girls in the world, but will end up foregoing empty celebrity and style to marry someone with depth and common sense. They will live happily ever after.

The wedding? It will be spectacular! His event will make Kate and Prince Andrew's wedding soiree at Westminster Abbey this spring look like a celebration of crop day in Cumbria. Perhaps an outside wedding. The South Rim of the Grand Canyon or the vast meadow acreage fronting the Grand Tetons in Wyoming. How much could it cost to rent Jackson Hole for the day? It should be a cinch.

He will never be assigned a middle seat his entire life and will drafted for a Presidential run before he is 40 years old.

He will be rich and support his parents in their later years since they depleted their retirement savings renting that National Park for the wedding... he will help them with dishes...every night!

How do I know all this? Really? Why from the pedigree of his moniker. Let me introduce you to:

James Elias Parken

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