Saturday, August 14, 2010

Walter Gets 5

And by the way, isn't the internet wonderful? You can buy all sorts of interesting things online, saving time, money, and the environment. I don't know about you, but I absolutely hate to shop. It is a big waste of time. I especially don't like going with wife Donna since I always seem to spend too much time and money when she is with me. I always dutifully keep a list of items, go to the store, then find I've left the list at home or in the car; I depend on memory and subsequently miss about 1/2 the things I went shopping for. When Donna comes with me, she remembers everything on the list and consequently drives the numbers on the receipt to high elevation and nixes a fast getaway since proper shopping takes a long time. This is, of course, Donna's fault.

I was hoping at this point in my life that needed things, if thought about, would just show up at my house, closet, bookshelf, or refrigerator. Guess I'll have to settle for the internet. It always amazes me that I can order anything I want at 4:00am or 11:30pm hereby imbuing my life with an unaccustomed time management component and allow me to wade into moments of gravitas and the unrelenting search for life's tautological truths.

OK, that too, I'm lazy.

If I could go to Confession online I would. The internet allows me to sample, review, and criticize all things purchased and then go onto sites like and listen to my favorite jazz ballads.

OK, that too, I'm cheap.

I was so impressed with a guitarist on YouTube, Walter Rodrigues Jr, that I went to the directed website,, and bought his guitar CD on hymns, My Favorite Hymns Vol.1, I never knew thumbing on strings could bring such goodness to life!

When something is ordered online, a confirmation by email follows; very businesslike, prompt, and boilerplate. I wasn't expecting what I received;


Thanks for your order with CD Baby!


(1) Walter Rodrigues, Jr: My Favorite Hymns Vol.1

Your CD has been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.
A team of 50 employees inspected your CD and polished it to make sure it was in the best possible condition before mailing.
Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CD into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.
We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, July 9, 2010.
We hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. In commemoration, we have placed your picture on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
We miss you already. We'll be right here at, patiently awaiting your return.
CD Baby
Very fanciful. And then I received this email:

My Favorite Hymns Vol.1 (Walter Rodrigues, Jr.)
Walter Rodrigues
Add to Contacts
Dear James,

I would like to personally thank you for purchasing my new album "My Favorite Hymns" Vol.1 from CdBaby. I hope you've enjoyed the music as much as I've enjoyed making it available to you.

I would love to hear your feedback on the cd. If you have a chance, please feel free to add a word or two to the review section of the album.

Thanks again and God Bless!

Walter Rodrigues, Jr.

Well. It got me to thinking. What if we were all able to exceed the speed limit on the alternate time line expressway and converse with all humankind. Kind of like an review with star ratings:

The Old Man and The Sea - Ernest Hemingway (3 out of 5 stars) Yo! Ernie. Loved the book! Great fish story, but next time enter the old man in a bass tournament at Lake Martin, Georgia. It would be more interesting and you could introduce some girls and beer - and maybe a shark. Oh yeah, way, way too long. If you want anyone to read your books you need to make them a lot shorter. Work on that willya?

Lives of The Twelve Caesars - Suetonius (written in 121 - 2 out of 5 stars) Dude - like the one name thing. Did you get the idea from Sting? I only gave you 2 stars. You did a really good job on the corruption and depravity (way to go Sue!), but you left out the all the war parts. Didn't you read any Tom Clancy?

Holy Bible - God (4 out of 5 stars) SPOILER ALERT, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED THE BOOK. You call that an ending?......

Well maybe the alternative time line is not a good idea, but I tell you though, in my book guitarist Walter Rodrigues Jr get 5 stars. He has the ability to have his heart run down through his fingers to the guitar. His musical expression lifts my spirits every time I put on the CD. Good art affects, His music affects.

Thank you Walter Rodrigues Jr, the world is a better place because of you and your work.

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